10 more days.

Today is October 8th. Last year on this date, ten more days to me felt like a lifetime. Ten more days from this date last year was when we met our little girl. All, 6 lbs 3 oz and 18 1/4 inches of her. At 11:30 that morning I will never forget the tears in my husband's eyes. I will never forget the little hand that wrapped around my finger when really she was wrapping me around hers. It all feels like yesterday.

Today, ten more days could be 365 days away and part of me still wouldn't want them to pass. As with most parents, a first birthday is a bittersweet moment. I feel like I am taking it rather hard compared to most. 

I've been running around like a mad woman, putting in overtime on pinterest, and planning every last detail of her 1st birthday so it will be memorable....for me. Not for her, she won't remember it. It may not seem like I am reluctant to celebrate the big #1, but I am. 

It seems like with every passing day she learns something new, says something new or does something she didn't do the day before. I love it and I am so proud of her. She's smart and has one hell of a personality. However, I wish I could freeze those moments in time. I'm not ready for the cold, hard truth that no matter what I do, day by day this precious little life is growing up.

After she was born my husband and I decided she would be our last. For good reason. We have 5 all together and that is more than enough. I have my boy, 3 wonderful step kids and now I have my own little girl and that completes us. Knowing that she is the last makes this so much harder. Parents do it everyday but I find myself thinking "this is the last time I will ever experience this moment as a Mother". It may not seem like a big deal, but when my daughter is graduating HS, those little moments leading up to that day will mean the world to me. They always will.

Having my daughter has taught me the importance of never taking the small day to day things in life for granted because a cute little smile or gesture may not seem like much but I know that as she gets older those moments will become far and few between. As she gets older and more independent, she will need me less. She will choose time with friends over time with me. She will want me to go away instead of reaching for me to pick her up... and it all starts with turning one. That moment that hits you like a rock that time doesn't stop just because you want to live in the moment.

It will come and pass just like every day does. I will get through it and realize that for another year there is so much more to learn and experience.

On October 8th, 2015 this will probably be a little easier. I won't dread counting down ten more days. I won't feel like the ticking of the clock is slowly taking away my baby.

So for the next ten days I will put on my big girl panties and face the inevitable. This is the last 1st birthday I will celebrate as a Mother.